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Stupid Stinky Gerbil

I am a beautiful and wonderful cat, No other animal compares to me. Everyone in my house knows that. It’s so clear to see. Other animals wish they were me. I am the queen of this kingdom And I vanquish all my foes, The rodents that used to trespass my domain Are all dead and gone, as everyone knows. And now what I say goes. I get all the attention I get all the catnip and treats I get all the pets and scratches I get all the best spots on cozy seats. I get everything, my life’s complete. But one day, while I dream away Laying in a warm sun spot An enemy invades my kingdom. I wake up and see what the humans brought. I am disgusted by what they bought. The humans call it an “adorable gerbil.” But it’s obviously a rodent, can’t you see? Rodents are our sworn enemy. What is this insanity? What have you humans done to me? Now those silly children who used to serve me Try playing Wordle with the stupid gerbil. Those children would be better off Playing Wordle with a silly turtle Not a stupid...

New Year’s Resolutions


“I’ve decided on my New Year’s resolution,” Jason said.

Sarah dumped protein powder into her milk. “Which is…?”

“Nothing. What’s your New Year’s resolution?”

“To take over the world.”

Jason winced. “You need a more realistic goal.”

Sarah chugged down her protein shake. “Like yours?”

“Kinda. Instead of the world, take over the city. Start small.”

“Why start small when I can start big?”

“Wait, you’re growing?!” Jason looked at the protein’s ingredients. “What’s in this stuff?!”

“Years of research. Now, if you’ll excuse me–” Sarah burst through the roof. “I must say Happy New Year to the United Nations.”

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