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To Be Honest with You

To be honest with you I’ve never watched “The One Down the Block.” I only said I did so no one would say,  “Have you been living under a rock?!” To be honest with you I never finished reading “Little Clementine.” I only said I did so no one would say, “You uncultured swine!” To be honest with you I love pineapple on my pizza. I only said I didn’t so no one would shame me When we were all at that pizzeria. To be honest with you I will never, ever marry. I only said I would so no one would say, “You’ll die alone if you tarry.” To be honest with you I lie more than I’d care to admit. I suppose it’s out of self-preservation For the truth would make others have a fit.

New Year’s Resolutions


“I’ve decided on my New Year’s resolution,” Jason said.

Sarah dumped protein powder into her milk. “Which is…?”

“Nothing. What’s your New Year’s resolution?”

“To take over the world.”

Jason winced. “You need a more realistic goal.”

Sarah chugged down her protein shake. “Like yours?”

“Kinda. Instead of the world, take over the city. Start small.”

“Why start small when I can start big?”

“Wait, you’re growing?!” Jason looked at the protein’s ingredients. “What’s in this stuff?!”

“Years of research. Now, if you’ll excuse me–” Sarah burst through the roof. “I must say Happy New Year to the United Nations.”

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