To Be Honest with You

To be honest with you

I’ve never watched “The One Down the Block.”

I only said I did so no one would say, 

“Have you been living under a rock?!”

To be honest with you

I never finished reading “Little Clementine.”

I only said I did so no one would say,

“You uncultured swine!”

To be honest with you

I love pineapple on my pizza.

I only said I didn’t so no one would shame me

When we were all at that pizzeria.

To be honest with you

I will never, ever marry.

I only said I would so no one would say,

“You’ll die alone if you tarry.”

To be honest with you

I lie more than I’d care to admit.

I suppose it’s out of self-preservation

For the truth would make others have a fit.