I Have a Bad Sneeze

I have a bad sneeze

It won’t go away.

I have it every hour,

I have it every day.

I sneeze so loud

The ground trembles and shakes.

I sneeze so loud

People think there are earthquakes.

I sneeze so loud,

People think I’m ill.

They say “Take more vitamins

Either gummies or pills.”

Though I sneeze so loud

The doctors would always say

“You are perfectly healthy.

Over time it will go away.”

But that was a two years ago

And my sneeze is still here

I wait for the day it stops

But it might not, I fear.

I told one of my close friends

About my horrible plight.

He said, “I have an idea;

Go see the woodland sprite.”

“She might be able to help you,

Get rid of that silly sneeze.

Just go to the Frolicking Forest,

From there, the cure will be a breeze.”

I thought the whole thing silly.

Surely he wasn’t serious.

A woodland sprite in the forest?

Surely, my friend was delirious!

But my friend wasn’t joking,

And said it was what I had to do.

So I went to the Frolicking Forest

To see if his advice was true.

Lo and behold, 

There was a little sprite

Sitting on a large toadstool

Looking merry and bright.

She was eating blueberry muffins

And drinking chamomile tea.

“Well, well, another human,” she said.

“What could your problem be?”

“I have a very bad sneeze,” I said.

“And–Ah, ah, aaaachoooo!”

The ground rumbled and shaked.

The sprite nodded. “Indeed you do.

“I have a solution for that.”

The sprite plucked a nearby flower.

“Eat all of the petals, mortal.

They are sweet and yet sour.”

I ate all the flower’s petals.

“Am I finally cured?”

“Not yet,” said the sprite.

“You must say this magic word.

“You must say it with authority

Otherwise your sneeze will remain.

If you say it just right

Your sneezes will be plain.

“They won’t happen so often

And they won’t be as loud.

Now this word may seem silly,

But you can’t afford to be proud.”

The sprite sat up straight,

And said in a commanding voice

“Ster-nu-tation!”

It seemed silly, but I had no choice.

I cleared my throat

“Ster-nu-tation!” I said.

The sprite sipped her tea.

“Good. Now go home to bed.”

I thanked the sprite and left

Though I was very perplexed.

When awoke the next morning

I was extremely vexed.

“I shall have a bad sneeze

That will make the ground shake.

And everyone will panic

Thinking it’s an earthquake!”

But I didn’t sneeze for a while.

I sneezed the very next day

“Ah-choo.” Nothing happened.

I jumped and said, “Hooray!”

My sneezes have been normal

Ever since meeting the sprite.

I no longer have a bad sneeze.

Now everything is just right!