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Stupid Stinky Gerbil

I am a beautiful and wonderful cat, No other animal compares to me. Everyone in my house knows that. It’s so clear to see. Other animals wish they were me. I am the queen of this kingdom And I vanquish all my foes, The rodents that used to trespass my domain Are all dead and gone, as everyone knows. And now what I say goes. I get all the attention I get all the catnip and treats I get all the pets and scratches I get all the best spots on cozy seats. I get everything, my life’s complete. But one day, while I dream away Laying in a warm sun spot An enemy invades my kingdom. I wake up and see what the humans brought. I am disgusted by what they bought. The humans call it an “adorable gerbil.” But it’s obviously a rodent, can’t you see? Rodents are our sworn enemy. What is this insanity? What have you humans done to me? Now those silly children who used to serve me Try playing Wordle with the stupid gerbil. Those children would be better off Playing Wordle with a silly turtle Not a stupid...

A Pixie's Guinea Pig


It’s no fun being a pixie’s guinea pig.

Though I do consider myself strong,

Strength is futile when inexperienced pixies

Are prone to get spells horribly wrong.


This is most common with a pixie child

Who practices spells with her wand.

She tried to turn my black fur brown twice

Only to turn it pink and then blonde.


Those types of mishaps don’t bother me

Since they are harmless and easy to fix.

But those situations become less pleasant

When more complicated spells enter the mix.


The pixie once tried to give me the ability

To speak fluently in latin or english

But I ended up flopping on the ground

Because she turned me into a fish.


Or she’d try to give me fairy wings to fly

So that she could play with me in the air

Only for me to get the wings of a bat

Which gave the poor girl a scare.


Or she’d try to shrink me down some

So that she could carry me in her arms.

Only for me to grow as big as an elephant

To every pixie and guinea pig’s alarm.


Or she’d try to conjure up a pretty dress

And a bow for me to wear on her birthday,

Only for me to be teleported to a bird’s nest

Atop a very tall tree, to my great dismay.


Or she’d try to turn me into other animals.

She once tried to turn me into a goose.

But of course that didn’t work out at all.

She ended up turning me into a moose.


It’s no fun being a pixie’s guinea pig

Because her spellcasting can be fickle.

But to her credit, she is improving

So maybe she’ll stop getting me in a pickle.

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