Never Buy a Unicorn

Never buy a unicorn.

It may sound very neat.

After all, they are kind creatures,

Very gentle and sweet.

Unicorns are magical,

And can do all kinds of tricks

Like using their magic horns to make cotton candy

And wands out of walking sticks.

Those things are quite fun

And may keep you entertained.

But only for a little while,

For unicorn care can leave you drained.

Unicorns are very playful

And very energetic.

They require lots of walking, running, and jumping.

They are extremely athletic.

Because of their athleticism,

They need a lot of space,

So you will need at least ten acres per unicorn

So they can gallop and race.

If you have enough space,

That is very good. And yet

That is not even half the battle

Of taking care of such a pet.

For unicorns get hungry,

It’s sad, but it’s true.

They require a special blue corn.

Twenty pounds of it, mind you.

They will also need three pounds of grain,

Two pounds of parsley

And thirty pounds of sugar.

All of it. Daily.

Unicorns can make good steeds,

But need a lot of training.

You may end up with a broken back

If you haven’t given it some proper taming.

Training a unicorn is not simple,

And it is not quick either.

It can take up to three years

Before you can be a unicorn rider.

And then there is the unicorn's pedicuring.

You must brush its coat and mane every day

To make sure it stays untangled and beautiful.

Unicorns are a bit vain that way.

And of course you'll need money,

For such necessary care

Of a noble majestic creature

Which may not be worth all the fanfare.

Now that you know the truth

About the unicorn you want to buy

Consider what you will do

And if getting one is really worth a try.