Please, Don’t Tell Me to Smile

Yesterday, I was at my job working at the register. I was ringing up a customer. She appeared to be a nice lady. She was smiling most of the time and she was polite. But as I was finishing up the transaction, she said, “Smile.”

She didn’t ask me if I could smile. She told me to.

I don’t like confrontation, so I thought I couldn’t say no. I wasn’t sure what else I could possibly do, so I complied. I smiled. I thought I did anyway. I lifted the corners of my mouth for a brief moment, but my mouth was a bit stiff and I wasn’t prepared. But I thought that little smile would make her satisfied.

She wasn’t.

My smile wasn’t big enough and it didn't last long enough for her. “Smile,” she said, with a bit more force.

So I smiled wider.

That satisfied her. After saying goodbye she walked away.

I guess my smiles aren’t really smiles. I guess my first smile was just some neutral facial expression. That was what I thought about my first attempt to satisfy the lady. However, I was also a little annoyed. Why would she tell me to smile?

A few minutes later, she came back in line with another item to purchase, and my fears arose in my mind. I hope she doesn't think I'm not smiling enough and that I’m disrespecting her wishes. I hope she doesn’t ask me to smile again. I hope she’s not thinking about how I’m not smiling now after she told me to smile before. I’m not smiling again.

The more I thought about this incident, the more I realized how rude it was of her to do that. It wasn’t the worst thing to have happened to me, but it wasn’t the greatest thing either. I wasn’t being mean to her, I was nice. I had a neutral expression if anything, and I’m sure I didn’t look angry, because I wasn’t. So why would she tell me to smile?

This wasn’t the first time this happened to me though. A couple of months prior, another woman had asked me to smile as well while I was at the register, and I did to satisfy her. But again, I didn’t make me feel good.

I don’t think the women who made these comments meant any harm. They probably thought they were helping me. But just because I was smiling on the outside doesn’t mean I was any happier on the inside. In fact, because of their comments, I was worse off than before. I was essentially putting on a happy face mask to entertain them, and when the audience was gone, I was left wondering why they would tell me to smile and what fault they found in my demeanor. I am shy, and I struggle with anxiety in social situations. I often worry about seeming weird to others, so those comments don’t help. I don’t take these kinds of comments too close to heart, but they do leave a bad aftertaste. They can make me question how I appear to others and make me wonder if my own perception of myself is accurate.

Also, when the customer from yesterday told me to smile, it was more of a demand rather than a question. She didn’t consider how I would feel about forcing a smile. She didn’t consider the fact that she was a complete stranger to me, and yet she felt comfortable enough to essentially tell me to do something I didn’t want to do.

She may not have meant harm, but she came off as being a little controlling and inconsiderate to me. I can’t force a genuine smile. I can only have a genuine smile when I feel like it.

Again, I don’t like confrontation, so in the two instances I was asked or told to smile by the customer, I complied until they had left the line. However, if someone ever asks me or tells me that again, I think I’ll make up some excuse, pretend not to hear them, or, if necessary, just say “No.” I don’t want to do things I'm uncomfortable with because it’ll be convenient for others. I don’t want to do it even if they think, in their own misguided way, that they are helping me.

Just because I don’t smile or don’t smile wide doesn’t mean I’m unhappy. It could mean that I'm focused on the task at hand, like ringing up the items customers buy. Or it could mean I feel neutral at the time. Or I could be happy, and it doesn’t show on my face that much. People are complex and they express certain emotions differently, so don’t try to force them to express those emotions the way you want them to express them. Furthermore, don’t try to force others to feel the way you feel, because it won’t help anyone. Just leave them, and me, in peace.