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Two Old Women: Book Review

One day, I was browsing the bookshelves of my local library looking for something interesting to read. There’s one particular shelf in an adult section of the library that I like to browse all the time, and it’s one that has books of myth, folklore, and fairytales . I eventually found a book that I had never heard of or read before; Two Old Women . Two Old Women is a book written by Velma Wallis . It is an Alaskan legend of the Gwich’in people that Wallis’s mother told her after they had finished collecting firewood (p. xi). According to Wallis, her mother had told her this story because of an earlier conversation they had while collecting firewood (p. X.) Wallis was amazed by the fact that her mother still collected her own firewood despite being in her early fifties, and despite the work being physically difficult for her (p. xii) According to Wallis, the elders amongst her people would work until they couldn’t move or until they died (p. xii). After talking about these things, her ...

Why Did You Eat the Chocolate?


Why did you eat the chocolate

That had a label saying “Do Not Eat?!”

It wasn’t filled with jam or caramel

But magic mongoose meat!


I know the chocolate’s sweet taste

Sent you over the moon,

But that chocolate is only safe

For fairies and gnomes to consume.


Do you have any idea

What magic mongoose meat can do?

Of course you don’t, silly head

So I’ll go ahead and tell you.


Within the next few minutes

You’ll be feeling pretty happy

But then you’ll be angry

And suddenly you’ll feel sappy.


Once the mood swings are over

Your skin will turn blue

Like that girl in Willy Wonka

Only yours will be a darker hue!


Then you’ll sprout wings

And you’ll be able to fly

But if you fly for over a minute

You’ll fall from the air and die!


If you live, you’ll start to smell

Like the sweetest vanilla perfume

Only to later smell like hot garbage

Which will attract loads of raccoons!


Once the stench dissipates

You’ll sing so well, many will swoon

But soon you’ll get a sore throat

That makes you sound like a baboon.


Then you’ll go on all fours

And bark like a dog

Then hop around really high

And ribbit like a frog.


When you come to your senses

You will lose them again.

Sight, hearing, smell, taste touch,

Gone for at least an hour, at most ten.


Finally, you will be back to normal

Besides the mongoose tail you’ll grow.

You might crave snake meat too,

But I really don’t know.


I can’t wrap my head around

How you keep making such mistakes.

But I hope you learn your lesson

Not just for you, but for all of our sakes.


You should never eat chocolate

Filled with magic mongoose meat,

Or eat someone else’s chocolate

That has a label saying “Do Not Eat.”

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