I Do Not Sell Love Potions

I do not sell love potions

Because they always cause trouble.

I’ve seen too many nincompoops

Use them foolishly on the double.

I’ve seen too many wistful idiots

Put the potion in their crush’s drink

Only for them to break up with them later,

Causing their bewitched ex’s heart to sink.

I’ve seen too many hormonal teenagers

Put the potion in their school crush’s food

Only for them to be overwhelmed

By their crush’s lovey-dovey mood.

I’ve seen too many morons

Use the love potion in their sadness

Only to complain they’re partner’s too clingy

And it has driven them to madness.

I’ve seen too many selfish people

Use it to try to win the heart

Of someone who was already engaged

And break the poor couple apart.

I’ve seen too many a lonely woman

Give a love potion to her victim

Only to cry about being stalked

And regretting she ever picked him.

I’ve seen too many a lonely man

Give a love potion to a young lady

Only to cry about her controlling behavior,

Which he says is driving him crazy.

I’ve seen too many fools

Who had the Valentine’s Day blues

Get arrested for food tampering

And have their mugshots on the news.

I do not sell love potions.

Using them is dangerous, selfish, and vile.

If you want trouble, get it elsewhere.

I’m sure it’ll be worth your while.