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Stupid Stinky Gerbil

I am a beautiful and wonderful cat, No other animal compares to me. Everyone in my house knows that. It’s so clear to see. Other animals wish they were me. I am the queen of this kingdom And I vanquish all my foes, The rodents that used to trespass my domain Are all dead and gone, as everyone knows. And now what I say goes. I get all the attention I get all the catnip and treats I get all the pets and scratches I get all the best spots on cozy seats. I get everything, my life’s complete. But one day, while I dream away Laying in a warm sun spot An enemy invades my kingdom. I wake up and see what the humans brought. I am disgusted by what they bought. The humans call it an “adorable gerbil.” But it’s obviously a rodent, can’t you see? Rodents are our sworn enemy. What is this insanity? What have you humans done to me? Now those silly children who used to serve me Try playing Wordle with the stupid gerbil. Those children would be better off Playing Wordle with a silly turtle Not a stupid...

Christmas Trees Hate Christmas

Christmas trees hate Christmas

It may be obvious why.

Christmas is the day 

That all the Christmas trees die.


As the days till Christmas 

Start counting down

The trees all tremble

And if they could, they’d frown.


As parents walk around the tree lot 

With joyful children in tow,

The trees watch in horror wondering 

“Who is next to go?”


The children point to different trees, 

Each shouting “Let’s get this one!”

The trees pointed out desperately wish 

That the ground would open up and swallow them.


Then there is the ax. 

Oh, the horrid tree’s bane!

The metal edge glints evilly in winter sunlight,

It’s cold metal hacks at every tree vein!


Oh, how the Christmas trees hate Christmas day! 

Blasted be the human tradition

Of chopping down innocent trees

For one single day in a season.


Each tree hopes every year 

That they are not chosen 

But the trees need not fear

Perhaps they will all go to heaven.


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