Never Buy a Blue Onion

Never buy a Blue Onion

Large or small.

If you eat it, you’ll shrink much too short

Or grow much too tall.

Blue onions have strange properties

That cause strange side effects.

One time, people who devoured them

Transformed into small blue insects.

One poor woman

Boiled them in her stew

And for the next four weeks

She acted like a cow who said “Moo!”

One young, gentle child

Who had eaten it out of curiosity

Became very rude for a month

And showed everyone a strange animosity.

A cat once licked a blue onion

And for a whole year

Wasn’t able to catch a mouse

And had lost her ability to hear.

And perhaps the craziest,

Most ridiculous case of all

Is when one man ate one,

And, for a day, became a stuffed doll!

It doesn’t really matter

If the onions are cooked or not,

Eating them always results

In crazy happenings and whatnot.

I don’t care if the gnome who sells them

Appears to be nice and merry.

If he offers to sell you blue onions

Run the other way and do not tarry!

Save yourself the trouble

And buy normal fruits and veggies,

Like hot pink onions

And burgundy blackberries.