Skip to main content

Featured

Stupid Stinky Gerbil

I am a beautiful and wonderful cat, No other animal compares to me. Everyone in my house knows that. It’s so clear to see. Other animals wish they were me. I am the queen of this kingdom And I vanquish all my foes, The rodents that used to trespass my domain Are all dead and gone, as everyone knows. And now what I say goes. I get all the attention I get all the catnip and treats I get all the pets and scratches I get all the best spots on cozy seats. I get everything, my life’s complete. But one day, while I dream away Laying in a warm sun spot An enemy invades my kingdom. I wake up and see what the humans brought. I am disgusted by what they bought. The humans call it an “adorable gerbil.” But it’s obviously a rodent, can’t you see? Rodents are our sworn enemy. What is this insanity? What have you humans done to me? Now those silly children who used to serve me Try playing Wordle with the stupid gerbil. Those children would be better off Playing Wordle with a silly turtle Not a stupid...

A Letter from Prince Gregor to King Knob

Dear King Knob,

We understand that you want to protect the unicorn and Pegasus populations, which is a noble endeavor. However, the measures you are taking to achieve this goal have gone too far and are taking a toll on both the ecosystem and your people.

For example, in your Unicorn and Pegasus Protection Act, there is a law stating that unicorns and Pegasus must be protected from their natural predators at all cost, and allows people to kill predators of the unicorns and Pegasus at the slightest hint that they will attack the unicorns and Pegasus. While this law has helped in increasing the unicorn and Pegasus populations, this same law has caused coyote, wolf, and winged cougar populations to hit an all-time low to the point where these animals are now threatened with extinction.

Furthermore, by disrupting the food chain, the unicorn and Pegasus populations have skyrocketed much too high. Because of the increase in Pegasus and unicorns, more Pegasus and unicorns have been eating our crops. As you are well aware, those crops are what we need to survive. The farmers have tried to keep the unicorns and Pegasus away by peaceful means, such as setting up scarecrows and scaring them away with loud noises. These tactics did work for a time. However, once the unicorns and Pegasus realized that the farmers would not harm them, they ignored their peaceful tactics completely and continued to devour their corn and wheat.

The farmers of these crops would be glad to protect their crops from the unicorns and Pegasus by using bows and arrows, if it were not for the first law in the UPP Act stating that no one is to hurt or kill any unicorns or Pegasus under any circumstance, otherwise they will be imprisoned or sent to the guillotine. If all the crops are devoured by these creatures, then we will no doubt starve to death.

Again, we understand your concern for the unicorn and Pegasus populations, but if our people are to survive and if the circle of life is to remain stable, then the UPP Act must be revised. People must be ordered to leave the natural predators of the unicorns and Pegasus alone, and farmers must be allowed to protect their crops by force if it is necessary. If changes are not made, then I am afraid we will have no choice but to secede from the Om Nomia Kingdom.

We hope that you take our concerns and our possible solutions into consideration.

Best Regards,

Prince Gregor of Ivory Province

Comments

Popular Posts

1 09