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Stupid Stinky Gerbil

I am a beautiful and wonderful cat, No other animal compares to me. Everyone in my house knows that. It’s so clear to see. Other animals wish they were me. I am the queen of this kingdom And I vanquish all my foes, The rodents that used to trespass my domain Are all dead and gone, as everyone knows. And now what I say goes. I get all the attention I get all the catnip and treats I get all the pets and scratches I get all the best spots on cozy seats. I get everything, my life’s complete. But one day, while I dream away Laying in a warm sun spot An enemy invades my kingdom. I wake up and see what the humans brought. I am disgusted by what they bought. The humans call it an “adorable gerbil.” But it’s obviously a rodent, can’t you see? Rodents are our sworn enemy. What is this insanity? What have you humans done to me? Now those silly children who used to serve me Try playing Wordle with the stupid gerbil. Those children would be better off Playing Wordle with a silly turtle Not a stupid...
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Earth to Nim

I walk through a grassy meadow where pixies and sprites hide beneath flowers and stones. I find one and follow it all the way to the knothole of an oak tree. The pixie lives with a family of squirrels. One squirrel wearing an apron prepares acorn stew over a warm fire in the fireplace. 

My brother, Jacob, asks me why I’m staring out the window listlessly. By that time, I’m sitting on a tree in the battle of my life fighting goblins and gigantic wolves with bow and arrow in hand. With only three arrows left, I wait anxiously for the king’s army to arrive.

Jacob sighs and says, “Hello? Earth to Nim.”

I pilot a spaceship dodging enemy fire from a large alien armada and jump into hyperspace. I swim to the depths of the sea to visit mermaids. I sit on the bench and have a pleasant talk with Bilbo Baggins. I rise from my chair and volunteer to help Frodo on his journey to Mordor and join the fellowship.

“Can you come back to reality for five minutes?” Jacob asks.

“Nope,” I say.

“Why not?”

“Because in reality, I’m in Wisconsin, but I haven’t a clue where you are. You’ve been missing for months.”

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