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Stupid Stinky Gerbil

I am a beautiful and wonderful cat, No other animal compares to me. Everyone in my house knows that. It’s so clear to see. Other animals wish they were me. I am the queen of this kingdom And I vanquish all my foes, The rodents that used to trespass my domain Are all dead and gone, as everyone knows. And now what I say goes. I get all the attention I get all the catnip and treats I get all the pets and scratches I get all the best spots on cozy seats. I get everything, my life’s complete. But one day, while I dream away Laying in a warm sun spot An enemy invades my kingdom. I wake up and see what the humans brought. I am disgusted by what they bought. The humans call it an “adorable gerbil.” But it’s obviously a rodent, can’t you see? Rodents are our sworn enemy. What is this insanity? What have you humans done to me? Now those silly children who used to serve me Try playing Wordle with the stupid gerbil. Those children would be better off Playing Wordle with a silly turtle Not a stupid...

Digory Digger

Heart pounding, sweat dripping from his forehead, and face brown with dirt, Digory Digger dug and dug and dug at the earth with his shovel as the sun set on the Gorgeous Gorge. He had been shoveling near the gorge for weeks now, and he knew he was getting closer and closer to his treasure. He could feel it in his bones.

Klink!

His shovel hit something. His eyes widened. He threw the shovel aside and yanked out a small chest from the ground. It was as dark as the earth it had been buried in for so long, its metal latch encrusted with auburn rust. His hands trembled. Fifteen long years he had searched for the Chest of Doro. He had been waiting for this day his whole life! Months of toil and hardship had brought him to this very moment. He rubbed his hands and opened the chest. Gold coins glittered in the sunlight.

Digory combed his hand through his dirty, ruffled brown hair. “The treasure! I’ve found it!”

“Treasure? Impossible!”

Digory froze. Dagnabbit, he thought. He turned around.

Nathaniel Nicholson leaned on his shovel fanning himself with his signature straw hat. “I’ve searched this land for treasure for several years, there’s no way—” His eyes landed on the small treasure chest and the gold within. Nathaniel put his hat on his head, whistled, and twisted his ginger mustache. “Well, I’ll be.”

Digory slammed the chest shut and picked it up. “Don’t get any ideas, Nathaniel. This chest is mine.”

Nathaniel smirked. “Really? I don’t see your name on it.”

“Yours isn’t on it either.”

Nathaniel chuckled and glanced to the right. Suddenly, he rushed at him, grabbed the chest, and tried to snatch it from him. “Give it!” Nathaniel said, pulling on one end of the chest.

Digory gripped the other end of the chest tightly. “Never! I found this fair and square!”

Nathaniel pulled at the other end of the chest harder. “Well, it’s on my land, which is my property, so it’s my treasure!”

“Liar!”

They each struggled to take the chest away from the other in a tug-of-war, but no matter how hard they tried, neither of them could snatch it from the other. They were at a tie. Just as Digory was beginning to realize that this wasn’t going anywhere, a little green fury monster popped its head from out of the ground in between him and Nathaniel.

“What is your problem,” the monster asked.

Nathaniel and Digory let go of the chest in shock, and they both jumped back.

Nathaniel stumbled and fell on his back. His hat fell off his head. “A monster!” He scrabbled backward.

The chest fell right on top of the little furry monster.

Digory got an inch closer to the chest, to see what the creature was.

“Is he dead?”

The goblin’s head poked back up, the chest sitting atop his head. “What is your problem?”

Digory gawked at him. “What on earth are you!?”

The creature put the chest off his head and leapt out of his little hole. “I am Gobble the Goblin, solver of all problems. I can solve your problem. What is your problem?”

“I want the gold that’s rightfully mine, but this dirty rotten thief’s trying to steal from me!”

“Hogwash!” Nathaniel said, standing up and brushing the dirt off his pants and plaid shirt. “He’s the real thief! This is my property!”

Gobble scratched his head. “Hmm. I see. So, you are fighting over the gold?”

“Yes.”

“So, the gold is your problem?”

“Not necessarily—hey! What are you doing?”

Gobble picked up the chest of gold. “Gobble the Goblin has solved your problem.”

“Really?” Digory asked. “How? What is the—”

Gobble ran over to a cliff and flung the chest down the gorge below.

Digory ran to the cliff and looked down to the ravine. He watched helplessly as his prized possession splashed into the river and disappeared into the depths.

Nathaniel tugged at his hair. “You idiot! What have you done!?”

“No gold, no problem,” Gobble said. “Your problem is gone now.”

Digory fell to his knees. “NOOOOO!”

 

THE END


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